Yeah, do you know what disappointment is?

Hmm. Maybe I start to know. Maybe..

I'm not talking about that Maths Drama lahz. It's just that it hurts to know that those person that you cared the most doesnt care about you.

It's just plain stupid. It's like those people took your care for granted. They forgets. And I hate it when people tells me that they dont care or they forgets.

I hate when people only knows how to demand for outputs and hardly even gave any inputs. I hate it when I do things for nothing. Cox I dun like to do things for nothing, as I believed that when one receives somthing, he or she should do the same too. At least some input right? Basic courtesy isn't it.

That's my basic principle. And I hates myself for breaking it sometimes. I really hate it when I cant even follow my own principles. Sometimes I felt that it cant be helped. However I hate to hear things like "it cant' be helped", "it's/i'm like that one lahz". It make me hate myself even more.

Haiz. It just sucked isnt it? That's why I say I start to know what Mr Koh meant. What "disappointment" meant.

What do you do in times like this? Stressed? Depressed? I do admit I have felt this way, but I dont want to. I dont want to be that loser from CCHMS. I dont wanna be the same class as him.

So what you do when you hate things and yourself so much. Self-destruction? I guess I practically did that isn't it? Ended up getting disliked and ignored.

"It cant be helped"? My heart is keep calling me to self-destruction. It's like a normal reaction to it that is beyond my control. And I hate it. I start to know the feeling of people saying "It cant be helped", "I'm just like that". Yeah I started to understand..

I've said and done hurtful things. It was done when people went against my principle and I was too selfish to spare a thought for them.

Can sin be forgiven?

I wish to be forgiven. Yes, I want to be forgiven. But by who?

Haiz forget about it. No one would even to bother to enlighten me what I've done wrong and what's wrong with me. Nevermind, life has to go on.

Anyways, I'm saying all these things cox of something happened today. It totally evoked all these long supressed feeling in me. It's still locked inside me.. How I wish that I could let go all of them.. I really feel like giving up something now and go for a break, a runaway..

Haiz forget about it lahz. Say more sad more. For every minute you are angry/sad, you lose 60 seconds of happiness. That's what Michelle said. Haha.

Anyways, today still not so bad lahz. Thanks to my buddies again. they always saved the day man. Today ate lunch together. Toopid JB forgot today his grandfather death annivesary need go offer joss stick. Make us waited haha. Then later went HMV find their Twins CD. That toopid JB again. Speak Mandrin to the Malay couter girl! Her face was like "Har, wth you toking?". So damn funny sia. Later in the evening playing mahjong even more funny. That JB AGAIN. Win already, then blur blur played a tile. Then never win. Worse off, that card made me win the game. LOL. Me and YH luff till wanna die sia.

After that went CO concert. Quite nice. LOL it's really shocking that an uncivilised person like me knows how to appriciate arts. HAHA.

Yeah, going sleep liao. Need a runaway now. HAHA.